juno_athena (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} juno_athena) wrote,@ 2004-12-25 16:24:00 |
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Thy Will be Done
College has made me grow up. Not in the sense that I have grown mature but in the sense that I have lost the most important things we learn when we are children. The basest thing of which is that I've stopped believing in myself and in my dreams. Instead, I immerse myself in my shortcomings, in my sadness. That, for me, is the most selfish thing. I have been focuisng on my failure, which is, in itself, a failure. For believing that I do not have the power to succeed, I, in fact, don't.
All this I must simply take as a humbling experience. An experience that is teaching and will continue to teach me that I am not on top of the world. That I am not a goddess, but simply human. That God can take away what he as given me despite all odds and sacrifices just as easliy as he could give them.
The real and most important lesson, however, is not to give up. I have decided to give up on ME a long time ago, seeing that my future with it is simply one big question mark. I'll ignore the fact that I've wanted to be in ME for so long. That I can see myself in no other course but ME. That it feels so wrong to leave and so right to risk everything just so I could stay.
The child in me wants to fight for what she wants. She wants to take the risk despite what other people say, what her parents would say and despite the greater possibility of failure rather than success.
If I, once again, change my mind, if I once again post an entry that I want to give up, please remind me to listen to the child in me.
She is far more wiser.
"Thy will be done."
College has made me grow up. Not in the sense that I have grown mature but in the sense that I have lost the most important things we learn when we are children. The basest thing of which is that I've stopped believing in myself and in my dreams. Instead, I immerse myself in my shortcomings, in my sadness. That, for me, is the most selfish thing. I have been focuisng on my failure, which is, in itself, a failure. For believing that I do not have the power to succeed, I, in fact, don't.
All this I must simply take as a humbling experience. An experience that is teaching and will continue to teach me that I am not on top of the world. That I am not a goddess, but simply human. That God can take away what he as given me despite all odds and sacrifices just as easliy as he could give them.
The real and most important lesson, however, is not to give up. I have decided to give up on ME a long time ago, seeing that my future with it is simply one big question mark. I'll ignore the fact that I've wanted to be in ME for so long. That I can see myself in no other course but ME. That it feels so wrong to leave and so right to risk everything just so I could stay.
The child in me wants to fight for what she wants. She wants to take the risk despite what other people say, what her parents would say and despite the greater possibility of failure rather than success.
If I, once again, change my mind, if I once again post an entry that I want to give up, please remind me to listen to the child in me.
She is far more wiser.
"Thy will be done."
